Just Take A Deep Breath.....

After a day of getting way too involved in an Autism Forum, I am going to bring it to my blog. My place where I can say what I wish, without having to worry about "hurting anybodies feelings".... Here it goes....
When a well-meaning friend of mine calls me and tells me that she has met a woman in line at the grocery store, or the bank, or anywhere else that has a newly-diagnosed autistic child and would I mind talking to them. This happens often and with more than one well-meaning friend. I always tell them yes, I will talk with them, but they will not like what I have to say.
What I have to say is:
1. Sit back and just take a deep breath
2. Everything you have imagined about your child has just taken another course.
3. It is not a bad thing that your child is autistic, just not what you had expected.
4. It is okay to cry about it. Then get over it and carry on. This child will bring you so much pleasure, you cannot even imagine.
5. Do not, and I repeat, do not compare your child with others. Do not compare milestones, they vary so much anyway.
6. Do not accept pity from other well-meaning people. Especially do not accept pity from good friends and relatives. That just makes this a great big pity-party. Your child does not need this and neither do you.
7. Please look at all sides of the picture. Do not jump into treatments and therapies without looking at all the positives and negatives. Just because a doctor says to do it, you are still the parent.
8. If you cannot afford it, don't make yourself broke to do it.
9. Do not stress the small stuff. If your child is having a bad day, don't take it as defeat, take it as a bad day. We all have them.
10. Do not ever let someone make you think you are not a good parent, because you do not agree with what they want you to do with your autistic child. This is your child and you have to do what is best for you and your family.

We have lost many friends who did not want to stick around for the ride. We have lost many family members who found it to difficult to cope with. My husband and myself have formed a union that is an amazing thing. We are committed to these children and to each other. We are going to make sure nothing holds them back from being who they are and who they want to be.
We do all activities according to what mood what children are in. Some can handle birthday parties, some cannot. We take turns taking them to events and staying home with whomever wants to. This is not an inconvenience, just an adjustment.
Raising one child with autism is hard enough. Raising five with autism does not seem any harder to me. Remember, we had one at one time and we know how hard that can be. She is the child who taught us patience, courage, dignity and how to respect who she is. She is the child who taught us it is okay not to change the others. She is the child who made us better parent's than we would ever have been without her. She is the child who is now going to be the adult who makes everyone better.
Now, I will take my own advice.
I will sit back and take a breath....maybe with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.....