AGES OF AUTISM...

Yep...I went there...but, these are the ages of Autism in our home!!!

Caitlin, 18 (almost 19).
Deidre, 15.
Erin, 13.
Patrick, 10 this month.
Kiernan, 8.

Yep...we have many ages of autism.

We have lived through the hypes and the myths of what autism is and isn't.

The past month on the blog site AoA...their words, not mine...parent's have been
blogging about the horror of autism. About how their children have regressed and became
violent over the years...all in the name of autism.
A poem was written by a sibling of an autistic child. I write poetry, so I would never
take away from that, but....my question is why does this college aged student have
so much anger towards their sibling (I know the answer, but do you?) ?

Not one of our children have regressed in the last almost 19 years...not one.
They have done nothing but progress...
why is that?

Could it be that we never expected anything more from them than what they are
capable of doing (and that is so very much)?
Could it be that we did not have the anger towards their autism (that has to be tough
on a child and a marriage)?
Could it be that we expect no less from our children with autism than we expect from
our child without autism (Meaghan, 12 in January...and a very typical pre-teen with
amazing friends)?

Speaking of Meaghan...she has a very close group of friends who spend much time
in our home. The parent's never question their children being here..they adore our
kids...but, who wouldn't.??

I wonder why the kids whose parents hate autism so very much have such great
difficulty with their children...maybe it isn't the child or the autism they are having
difficulty with..
maybe it is the fact that they did not get the child they thought THEY deserved.
Maybe it is the ideal of a perfect child that has enabled them to be so angry with
autism.

I have recently gone back to work full time...I am thankful that at the tender age of
49 someone thought enough of me and my talent to hire me. I am doing well and hope
to continue to progress.
I don't have much time for the drama of autism.
I thank God for that.

My husband and myself are the parents of 6 children...5 of them have autism....all of them
are PERFECT....

I will repeat myself...

I thank God every day that I was blessed with my children. I have become a much
calmer and patient person because of these children.
When I was 22, I started working for a residential treatment center...I worked on a dorm
with Autistic teens (whoa, they would be in their late 30's now AoA)..my wonderful Aunt
Gwen asked me, "Why does such a young girl like you want to work in this atmosphere"?
After my children were born, Gwen called me....she remembered that conversation...
she said,"I know now that God put you there..he had a plan for you"...

I think my Aunt Gwen was correct....

SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY....

After much thought and discussions with the people who matter most to me in this world, I have decided to rejoin the work force. With our children doing so well in life, after much hard work from many people, I decided to go back to work at a job that I enjoyed so much, many years ago.
I was hired the day of my interview...much to my surprise...and welcomed back with open arms.
I finished training on Friday, and will go full force into my career on Monday.
Yep, at the ripe old age of almost 49 (in November), I will begin a career....who knew?
The kids have done remarkably well with the transformations going on around here....not just my transformation, but the fact they have to rely on someone else to have their needs met until my work day is over.
I do get to work from home, but I am not able to tend to the needs of my children....
We have been blessed with an amazing young woman who is their care-giver until I am off the clock. She has stepped up to the plate and left me with no worries. I thank her very much for that.

With my new career, I have very little time to keep up with the world of "autism". That is probably a good thing. This week, while catching up on the various "I HATE AUTISM" websites..you know who they are....I came across some very disturbing things.

I read a piece by a woman who feels her child has ruined her life. This "mother", and I use that term very loosely, blames all of her family woes on her child with autism. Because of her child, the other children suffer (her husband and her have to devote all of their time to this one child), her house suffers, her income suffers....what a shame!!!
The most shameful part of this story is that this young man, who has much more worth than his parent's give him credit for, is suffering...not physical pain inflicted by these parents, but the emotional pain of having to carry such a burden of being made a martyr.

I then go on to read, on a forum, a story about a little boy, Kyle Forbes, who saved his teacher's life with the Heimlich maneuver... http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2009/10/15/quinn.scout.saves.choking.KTRK
Instead of praising Kyle and his family, for raising such an amazing and caring young man, the family has to read an entry on this forum that read:

I just posted on this on the other forum...would you guys call that boy autistic?!! In my book, he might be a bit odd or immature, but NOT autistic! How could he possibly meet the criteria? If that's what people are claiming as autism, then I question the "1 in 60" numbers I'm hearing. I'm beginning to wonder if anyone who has a child who is a bit slow or doesn't excel is calling it autism.

I'm sorry--that just kind of made me mad. No wonder everyone in my family thinks this is a fake diagnosis, and there's "really no such thing as autism."

Shame on this "mother", who should be so proud of the autism community being portrayed on the media in such a positive way. This "mother" who should be commending the parent's of Kyle for teaching him to be compassionate and caring....

Mr. Forbes went on to comment:

Well, this is Kyle's father, and yes, he is on the high end of autism-Aspberger's. Is there any way to present this story to the world without "offending" someone? No. Is his condition a form of autism? Yes. Are you calling me a liar? Can you control the media? Are you saying that a good story about a great kid should have been done differently? If you can't see the positive in the occurrence, then you must be full of negatives yourself. My son has been struggling with his persona, and I for one am proud of what a good young man he is. He did not speak until 4 years of age, and still "stems" and has social/personal difficulties, but there's no reason to downplay any of his being.
Also-how can you judge someone over an interview, through the media? By the way, watch the video again: the kid standing next to him in the orange UT shirt is his friend Adam, who is severely autistic. Could you tell through the TV????

Mr. Forbes,
My children's autism was also questioned when they were shown on television. They were not "autistic" enough.
I blogged about this previously....http://survivingmotherhood-mom26children.blogspot.com/2007/06/expert.html

I was taken back a bit by the statements people made about my children after our show was aired. Statements made by people who have autistic children, not Neuro-typical children.
Hateful comments on my children's clothes, hair, behaviors, and their size.
Instead of looking at how far these children have come, to be able to handle moving out of their old home, being sent on a wonderful vacation, and coming back to an all new environment...all with minimal meltdowns....these "autism" parent's decided to write letters and emails to the media to try to discredit my family.
Funny thing, this was all done because they saw 45 very edited minutes of our life.

My children continue to thrive....
All made A's and B's on their report cards....including Kiernan (who is inclusioned in 3rd grade). With the encouragement and determination of some amazing teacher's...here is his first real report card:
Reading-A
Writing-A-
Mathematics-A
Science/Health-A-
Social Studies-A-
Art-A+
Physical Education-A-.

All of these grades are not altered or modified....all his.
All done while being severely autistic and non-verbal. All while stimming and rocking behaviors ensue....

So, because of my children's amazing progress...and with their blessings,
I have returned to work. With the support of my husband, who continues to work 2 jobs,
we are making this transition.
I am so proud of my kids....for all of their achievements....and the many more achievements to come....

THE HYPOCRISY OF THE AUTISM COMMUNITY...

This week, according to the news, John Travolta admitted his son had autism...
big frickin' deal...we all knew it. We saw the pictures of Jett walking on his tippy-toes,
flapping his hands and being held by his hands while he walked. We, in the autism community,
knew they were raising a child with autism.
Now, the autism community is pissed off because John and Kelly Travolta did not
admit this while their son was alive.
What good would that have done?
Because John and Kelly did not choose to exploit their child as other celebrities
with Autistic children have (um-hm....Jenny Mac), they were wrong?
I have no doubt in my mind that they did not do the best things for their beloved
son. I have no doubt that John and Kelly Travolta worshiped their son....autism or not.

We do not all find it necessary to throw a great big pity party because our child(ren)
have autism.
As a matter of fact...some of us still believe our children can reach their potentials even
though they have a diagnosis of autism.

I feel so completely sad for the child who is subjected to procedure after procedure
to prove they can be cured of their autism. I feel great empathy for the child who
is told they are broken or need to be cured. I really find great sadness in the latest video
that Autism Speaks has put out....
Let me clue you in on something....if you think your marriage was ruined because you
have an autistic child...you probably had a really bad marriage to begin with....to blame your child for it is pathetic.

The world of autism right now, in 2009, is full of doctors who are milking you for your money,
organizations who are playing on your sympathy for money, and very angry parents who
are trying so hard to blame someone for their children's autism.

During this time, when parents need to stand together, the propagandist in the autism world are working harder than ever to make the world think that autism is supposed to be one
huge pity party.
Wander over to the Autism Speaks forum...the same mothers and fathers who have been
chelating and bitching for years are still there...mad as ever. They still tell you that they are
right and we are wrong. Funny thing...our kids are improving (oh, that's right....our kids never
had autism...) and they are still bickering amongst themselves.

Thank goodness there is a brave group of parents stepping forward and making themselves heard...we can be just as loud and just as obnoxious. Difference is, we will not call you names because you do not agree with us. We will not sell you anything or try to coax you into our way of thinking. We will stand next to you when you need help and we will support you.

Take a moment...
Look at your amazingly beautiful children....
Feel blessed that they have been given to you to raise...
Tell them you love them for who they are....

PUUURRRR-FECT

Yes, even I get the occasional virus...it happens.
Last Wednesday, I started to feel badly. By Friday...YIKES !!!
Full-blown virus. Sore throat, achy body, tiredness....
And NO !!! It is not the Swine Flu ....

So, here is my story...
I was laying on the couch, only to get up to fix the
occasional meal, or take out the occasional laundry and
fold it...other than that, I did not do much "labor" this
Labor Day weekend.
As I was lying on my couch, which is so comfortable that you can
crash there without wanting to, I had an occasional visitor.
It was Kiernan...my 8 year old, non-verbal son....
He crawled up on me...said, "Ma"...gave me a huge kiss and hug
and then, without prompting...purred...
Yep, purred like a little kitten.
Kiernan has purred since birth.
In fact, he reminds me of my cat Junior, my Siamese cat that I had
in my life for over 25 years.
Since Kiernan was a baby, if you rubbed his head, the boy will give you
a full-fledged purr.....it is soothing and gentle.
So, in my sickest state this weekend...I was soothed...
not by the words of the most amazing young man in the world,
but by the purring of a gentle soul who knew his "ma" needed a bit
of purring just to feel a little bit better.
Thanks Kiki.....

EXPECTATIONS OF MOTHERHHOOD...

I remember back when I was 29 years old..yep, 20 years ago this year.
I told my boss where I worked, at the Sheraton Centre Hotel in Midtown Manhattan,
that I was going to have a baby.
Patrick and I bought as many baby books as we could find at the local book stores.
We read the month-by-month accounts of what should happen during my pregnancy.
Sometimes they were right on target....most times not.
I had a fairly easy pregnancy.
We did the obligatory lamaze class with a very spectacular Jamaican woman in the
East Village...that was fun !!!
Caitlin came fast and furious..so fast that the cab driver did not want any money from
us after we went through every red light from 52nd street and 7th to 16th ave and 1st.
Beth Israel was very slow that night. They thought I was exaggerating when I told them
that I felt the head...by the way..they were wrong !!!
Caitlin came out 8 pounds 11 ounces. She was gorgeous. Wide eyed and gorgeous.

Everything I had read about what to expect from the pregnancy and birth went flying
out the window. This was my child and she was perfect.
Even through the next few months of screaming, lack of sleep and also being a new wife...
she was perfection to me.

As she approached the age of 1 years old, we moved down to Texas. Caitlin, still gorgeous
and wonderful, was not doing what other 1 year old children do. We questioned the doctors,
but they told us we were worrisome parent's.
Caitlin continued to not talk and seemed to be in her own world. Now...if you know me...
I believe in individualism...but, I am a ham. I love singing and dancing...especially Broadway
musicals. I made Caitlin dance and sing with me. People were amazed that she was so
lovey-dovey (poor kid did not have a choice).

I had an in-home day care and saw the other children and their growth. I knew that Caitlin
was not like them...but frankly, I liked her better. She did not have the typical terrible twos...and I thank her for that.

In fact, none of my children had them. What the heck is the terrible 2's anyway?
I have recently read where parent's are upset because their children missed being 2 years
old because of Autism....
Where were they?
Did they not turn 2?
Were you so depressed in the Autism you missed it?
Now, that is very sad to me !!!

I never expected any of our 6 children to be any ways near like each other.
I never compared their milestones to be like each other. They are each individuals
that will progress at their own paces. They each achieved in different areas at different
times. No one is better than the other. They are who they are.
I have no expectations of who they are going to be....they are mine....
That is enough !!!

FACE TO FACEBOOK...

I recently "friended" a person on Facebook, who by her Facebook name was a
commenter on the Autism Speaks forum. This mother of a child with Autism
tends to be more towards the Neurodiverse side than the BM side of treating
their child with Autism.
She puts up with criticism well, and stands her ground without being hateful, so I
accepted her "friend" request.
Well. lo and behold, it was brought to my attention today that some scum bag of
a parent on the Autism Speaks forum has used this name to gain information from
some of my true Facebook Friends.
First and foremost...how really stupid is this person. It is so very easy to find
out your true identity. Do you think that the true person cannot sue you for
using their name? Do you think we cannot join in on that fun for using our information
to play your really silly little game?
I hope you lose a lot of sleep over this. You were really, truly playing with the wrong
set of people.
If you have children with Autism...which, by the way, I think you do (and more than one..
wink, wink), I hope you start refocusing your attention away from stalking and prying
into people's lives and start dealing with your own life. By what I know...it sucks!!!!

To the innocent person who was affected by this...I am so sorry you were brought into
this..you were put into a situation that was not warranted by any of your actions...
Let me know what you need from my end...I will help you !!!!

WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.....

In my house..it is not about pulling metals, fixing GF/CF food, crushing supplements or bashing my husband. In my house, it is about raising children to be loving and caring.

I asked our daughter Deirdre, who has Asperger's, to please take up Caitlin's dinner. She likes to eat in her room...so, I let her. I said to Deirdre, "when you give her her food, tell her you love her (because that is what I do)..."
Of course, Deirdre says "NO".
I said, "C'Mon"...Deirdre agreed...reluctantly...

Deirdre came downstairs with a huge grin on her face...

I asked her if she said I love You....Deirdre said, "I said Love Ya"...

I asked Deirdre what Caitlin said....
Deirdre said, "She said "I love you" back"...

I asked Deirdre if that made her happy....
Deirdre, in all of her wisdom said, "That is why I am smiling"....

Of course..I start crying !!!!

I have had a crappy day...fought with the bank, fought with cable, had to get Kiernan's
Vanguard system back on track, needed to go to the post office (couldn't), fighting a really
shitty sore mouth, having my provider not show up, but...in the end...
this is what my life is all about....
About being able to raise Autistic children to be loving and caring...

God has given me quite a lot. Sometimes I wonder why he chose me...
This last week, reading the whiny crap on other blogs and on AoA, I now
know why....
I hope you can figure out why soon !!!