About Me

I am the proud mother of 6 children. 5 of our children have autism. We do not feel our world has ended, but just begun. We do not chelate, intervene biochemically, give shots of any kind, practice ABA, etc. We treat them as we treat any humanbeing. We treat them with kindness and respect and expect the same from them. They are exceptional children.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


This week, according to the news, John Travolta admitted his son had autism...
big frickin' deal...we all knew it. We saw the pictures of Jett walking on his tippy-toes,
flapping his hands and being held by his hands while he walked. We, in the autism community,
knew they were raising a child with autism.
Now, the autism community is pissed off because John and Kelly Travolta did not
admit this while their son was alive.
What good would that have done?
Because John and Kelly did not choose to exploit their child as other celebrities
with Autistic children have (um-hm....Jenny Mac), they were wrong?
I have no doubt in my mind that they did not do the best things for their beloved
son. I have no doubt that John and Kelly Travolta worshiped their son....autism or not.

We do not all find it necessary to throw a great big pity party because our child(ren)
have autism.
As a matter of fact...some of us still believe our children can reach their potentials even
though they have a diagnosis of autism.

I feel so completely sad for the child who is subjected to procedure after procedure
to prove they can be cured of their autism. I feel great empathy for the child who
is told they are broken or need to be cured. I really find great sadness in the latest video
that Autism Speaks has put out....
Let me clue you in on something....if you think your marriage was ruined because you
have an autistic child...you probably had a really bad marriage to begin with....to blame your child for it is pathetic.

The world of autism right now, in 2009, is full of doctors who are milking you for your money,
organizations who are playing on your sympathy for money, and very angry parents who
are trying so hard to blame someone for their children's autism.

During this time, when parents need to stand together, the propagandist in the autism world are working harder than ever to make the world think that autism is supposed to be one
huge pity party.
Wander over to the Autism Speaks forum...the same mothers and fathers who have been
chelating and bitching for years are still there...mad as ever. They still tell you that they are
right and we are wrong. Funny thing...our kids are improving (oh, that's right....our kids never
had autism...) and they are still bickering amongst themselves.

Thank goodness there is a brave group of parents stepping forward and making themselves heard...we can be just as loud and just as obnoxious. Difference is, we will not call you names because you do not agree with us. We will not sell you anything or try to coax you into our way of thinking. We will stand next to you when you need help and we will support you.

Take a moment...
Look at your amazingly beautiful children....
Feel blessed that they have been given to you to raise...
Tell them you love them for who they are....


Corina Becker said...

Great post, just one thing. As an autistic, I am a part of the autism community, and I have never complained about John and Kelly not admitting Jett was autistic while he was alive. To be perfectly honest, I think they did the proper thing and kept him out of the spotlight, for his sake so that he would not be overwhelmed by the press.

So if you could please not generalize the autism community?

Sadderbutwisergirl said...

Corina, Corina, Corina. The "autism community" is generally understood to mean professionals and family members who want to eradicate the autistic neurotype forever. Please do not associate yourself with people like that by saying that you're part of the "autism community." If you support the existence of autistics, I would suggest using the term "autistic community" to distance yourself from bastards like that.

Foresam said...

You didn't exploit your kids by arranging to get a free house, did you?

Mom26children said...

I did not "arrange" anything. We were nominated by a loving neighbor and supported by our community.
Funny thing...when we received this gift of a lifetime...not one of the biomed community offered anything but foul words and hateful comments..
Oh, just like you are doing now !!

Are you a bit bored over there at Hating Autism? Find the need to come and talk trash over here ?

Behave, and be polite or Adios Amigo !!!

KWombles said...

Ummm, Jeanette, raising my hand and confessing, I did engage in some desriptiveness this week. Of course, I wasn't talking about most parents, or even most AoA followers, but a select minority of parents who are high-fiving themselves over that vile video. I did say I'd hug them, but still, I was descriptive regarding their characteristics. I may have actually called them a dumbass. It's possible, but maybe I just thought it.

To borrow a phrase from Larry the Cable Guy, Lord, I apologize.

Corina and SBWG, if it's true that those parents and professionals feel that the autism community is primarily about them (they are calling themselves autism parents, so I'm going with it's more about them and less about how autism effects the child), then I'd argue that there are many who are co-opting the term autism community to mean autistic individuals and their family members. Autistic individuals first. It isn't all about me.

Those within the autism community who are clamoring because the Travoltas didn't do enough for them by speaking out on autism are engaged in narcissistic behavior.

jypsy said...

Sadderbutwisergirl, when did this general understanding come into being?? While I agree that, as an autistic, Corina is part of the "autistic community, I consider myself, an autistic and parent of 2 autistics, to be part of both the autistic and autism communities. I also consider a number of valued professionals to be part of the autism community. However, none of them, nor I, "want to eradicate the autistic neurotype forever". Some people place a negative connotation on "autism", it's equally sad to see such a negative connotation attached to "autism community". Like any community there are people you and/or I will not agree with (at all) but that's no reason to paint the entire community with their traits/opinions.

I've been around a long time but I seem to have missed this general understanding you speak of coming into being. Perhaps I missed it (when did this happen?) or perhaps it's not the general understanding you believe it is. If you have issues with specific factions of the autism community, might I suggest you accurately identify them and not paint the rest of us with your "bastard" brush.

Kowalski said...

Jypsy, I think SBWG was just being sarcastic.

To me, I can never identify with the autism community, whether they are pro- or anti-cure.
I just can't identify with autism as a "thing". This weird objectification of the way someone is. (Not to mean that I'm particularly bothered by it, either)
There are so many non-autistics who say they "live" with autism, when they live with autistics, that's so weird. I've never felt like I live with autism, just like I don't *live* with lefthandedness. I just *am* autistic and lefthanded.
(The second part isn't directed at Jypsy, it's just me rambling on...)

Foresam said...

K Wombles,
It IS vile of Autism Speaks to say that they don't know how to cure autism in their stupid video.
So, I have to congratulate you on finally getting something right.

Judi said...

Well said Jeanette. My marriage dissolved 2 years ago...I have never once blamed Andrew's diagnosis on the separation and never will. To be honest, helping our son brought us a little closer together, a little longer, but unfortunately, our marriage wasn't strong to begin with. Our failings as a married couple never stemmed from the autism.

And who really cares about J&K's revelation? All that matters to me is that they loved him, and they did their best to keep him out of the spotlight. I am deeply sorry for their loss.

Sadderbutwisergirl said...

@jypsy: I am going to explain what I meant by "general understanding." I have never really heard the term "autism community" used outside of the context of trying to find a cure, so from that, I gleaned that that was the "general understanding." I feel a general anger about curebie parents and professionals holifying themselves up by calling themselves the "autism community" as though autism was an object and was all about them rather than the people with that neurotype. I was expressing that anger in a sarcastic rant. I have never heard of it being split into "factions" and I'm sorry for lumping you in with curebie organizations.

Sadderbutwisergirl said...

Oh, and for painting you with the "bastard" brush along with those narcissist parents and professionals who think that autism is all about them rather than actual autistic people. Sorry for not including that as well.

jypsy said...

Sorry, the sarcasm went right over my head.

Joseph said...

It IS vile of Autism Speaks to say that they don't know how to cure autism in their stupid video.

Even Autism Speaks has to avoid obvious lies. But they do include lies in the video that most people won't realize are lies.

Foresam said...

I'm glad you're over being afraid of me. Did you teach Autism Speaks how to use that sort of deception that you're so good at with your bogus statistics?

Anonymous said...


Actually, I think that the more bogus claims of cures that are made, the better. The pattern of lack of evidence, delusions of grandeur, and abuse of skeptics becomes more clear with every example, after all. It's unfortunate that a few people will be defrauded by each group, but I think more people will be saved from wasted effort and dangerous "medicine." That's why this blog allows hoaxters to post here, isn't it?

Stephanie said...

This is a much needed message. The blame-game is such a big part of the bickering and the pain. When you're so busy blaming, you can't move on and live your life -- and you don't want anyone else to either.

It works for raising a child who's different and for making a marriage work.

Stephanie said...


In regards to your comment to Corina: Why should Corina or I or anyone else let the "professionals and family members who want to eradicate the autistic neurotype forever" define what the autism community stands for?

Anonymous said...


I think it's even more puzzling when actual ABA schools team up with Autism Speaks and guilt parents into donating more and more money...for what?? These places seem to be hell bent on taking every dime from parents. Let's also mention that this center already receives approximately $100,000 per pupil so it is even more bewildering why they feel the need to milk parents for more money. The industry has become one big rip off.

sarah manville gann said...

Check out www.budakid.com. Looks like we were on the same page and didn't know it.

Molly said...

Do not even get me started on Jenny. I can't even go there. I can't.

:::deep breath:::

Oy Vey. that's all I can really say.

Marie said...

well done I have 3 children and one has ad/hd and I barely cope. I take my hat off to you. Great blog.

Janet said...

My husband the first of last month and we have one child with Asperger's, another one most likely somewhere on the spectrum, and one neurotypical child. They have never strained our marriage. In fact, I think we survive this current nightmare in large part because we have a strong family and we love, respect, and like each other. I can't even imagine parents who don't feel that way about their children and then blame the kids for their own shortcomings. What a horrible family to have to grow up in!

Janet said...

ahh, the word I apparently have a hard time typing is "died." Thank God for the quirky, amazing children we've been raising and that I now have the responsibility of raising on my own. We are so blessed in so many ways.

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Anonymous said...

"Take a moment...
Look at your amazingly beautiful children....
Feel blessed that they have been given to you to raise...
Tell them you love them for who they are...."

Thank you for those words. I've been having a rough day and reading that made me feel better.